Well after 3 attempts to write this post and 3 losses of said post into the cyber void, I'm giving up for the night. Either Mercury is working hard in its current retrograde or i haven't gotten it right yet :-) Funny thing is, after you've poured your heart out a few times over, what was scary at first kind of seems comical after a while. So i'll leave you, instead, with the passage that inspired it all and to your own meanderings about its meaning in your life.
"An instinct isn't learned, its visceral. There is an instinct for deep personal truth that resides within each of us. Its truth is unshakable and sternly requiring. Instinctual truth can't be unearthed by thinking alone; it begs for a soulful emotional inventory and for sincere and courageous examination. We brush up against it and it frightens us with its intensity. Speak up, the heart urges, but the timid little ego says, Settle for what is easier, what is available. Who do you think you are anyhow? Who do you know that ever got anywhere by following their heart?.....The terms of battle are clear. The ego says, Make the choice to claim your own life and you may die. The heart says, Don't make the choice to claim your own life and you will die. You will die the slow death of knowing in your heart of hearts that you never truly risked being authentic - choosing to live from your particular and unique instinct of truth."
~Heart Sense: Unlocking Your Highest Purpose and Deepest Desires,
Paula M. Reeves, Ph.D.