I love this time of the year in Wilmington. I always say that April is the most beautiful time of the year to be here. The Azaleas and all the flowers are in full bloom, the air is still cool and everything is lush and green. You can see the aliveness in everything. But May holds a special little secret. After the fan fare of the spring bloom, there's a sense of quiet that settles in. You can feel the first drops of summer heat and humidity beginning to mingle in the air and with it, the sweet scent of Jasmine and Magnolia. You don't have to breathe deep to smell it today. It's intoxicating.
It's that wonderful sweet smell that got me thinking today. I've been a little frustrated trying to come up with the next post. What to say next...what's going on...how to put it all in words...how it all pertains to living my truth and authentically...and then it hit me: I'm trying too hard. The explosion has already happened. Spring and the first Mercury Retrograde of the year have already stirred the pot, now we're in the quiet after the storm and it's time to let things settle. The change has already happened and now it's time to just simply live it.
My girlfriends and I have been having a good laugh this week about how cool it is that when we make a decision to "live our truth" and act appropriately upon that (such as knowing when to say "no", not being afraid to do so, and doing so with confidence and compassion) then how the universe steps in to reward us. Sometimes it's just with a really good, giddy feeling that we just did something great for ourselves and sometimes it's another door opening that's full of wonderous possibilites that we wouldn't have seen or been able to step through had we continued to stay in that "pleasing everyone else and forget about doing what's right for me" place. That's great incentive to continue on the journey :-) It's almost like this little game now...we call each other with "you won't believe what i did today! and check out what happened right afterwards!" I have to say, by the way, how wonderful it is to have girlfriends. I've never liked girls. I was never into the "girlie things" and hated the color pink until a few years ago. I grew up a tom boy and was always more comfortable hanging out with the boys. They weren't judgemental like the girls were. They just took you at face value for who you were, or weren't, and cheered you on when you did something really great. It hasn't been until the past year really that I've found those kinds of friendships with women...authentic, caring, no pressure to be anyone/anything you're not, and lots of support and encouragement to be who you are. In fact, I surprised myself the other day when I called one of my girlfriends out of the blue just to say hi. I don't ever do things like that unless it's my husband, who I call all day long just to rattle nonsense to. I'm sure he's very happy to see me finding friends, lol.
But you know, I've always believed that when you follow your heart and you live in alignment with your path that all sources come in to support you. The natural world gets very excited when we let go of fear and step out into life with an open heart, or as author SARK would say...with wild abandon! It's almost as if you can hear all these little angels, fairies, gnomes, tree spirits and greater powers that be cheering you on and doing a group whoo whoo, arm pump included :-)
So as all these amazing changes are settling in, I'm discovering new ways to explore this great letting go. There's a word that's been rattling around in my brain for a few days. It's Moksha, which literally means release...but in the greater context...release from suffering. There are a lot of ways that we humans suffer, and I'm coming to find that much of it is self-inflicted. There is no doubt that there are great loses and sorrows in life that we must grieve and that do cause suffering..but at what point does the suffering turn from a natural part of the healing process into the opposite, something that we continue to hold onto consciously or unconsciously that over time begins to wreak havoc in our bodies and minds and creates a loss of self. The concept of suffering is a big subject and one that I am interested in exploring further for my own interest and understanding of it, but for the purpose of this blog let's just say that I am more aware of some of the "smaller" sufferings that we cause ourselves that just by bringing awareness and breath to we can begin to free ourselves from. I've been pondering this letting go, this detachment from old ways of being and doing; old thought patterns; old movement patterns. And of course the dancer and yogi in me jumps immediately to idea of freeing up movement patterns and letting go of old stories that I carry around in my body. I happened upon an old acquaintance at my chiropractors office this morning. She's not one of those "bone crunchers". She practices something called Network Spinal Analysis which is a phenomenal form of bodywork that I will certainly not do justice by trying to explain. But the fella I ran into was talking about how much he loves her work because just with a simple touch, a contact/release point on your body memories and life experiences that have long been stuck in your nervous system and muscle memory can come up for "review" and be gently and lovingly released. And as simply as us giving them permission to go.
Being a teacher of gentle yoga, I know the body doesn't have to be beat with a sledge hammer or worked until exhaustion to get what it needs. Our bodies have their own intelligence and when given the right environment (mentally, physically and emotionally) they will find balance, health, strength, flexibility and happiness. We don't have to try so hard. I don't have to try so hard. So today I am choosing to breathe, find my "inner wiggle" and let go of the effort of having to be in any particular way. I'm enjoying the wonderfully sweet fragrances of Jasmine and Magnolia and I am stepping with wild abandon in what this moment has to offer me.
"Weave an affirmation into each breath: I am enough. Just as I am. I am enough. Without doing anything."
~ Patricia Lynn Reilly, Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself